Culture 3: More About Relationships

I hope you found the teacher-student relationship discussion as interesting as I have. Thanks for your many thoughtful comments. I would like to clarify my ideas a little more and comment on your ideas.

Most societies throughout history have emphasized respect for elders. This introduces a structure and a social order. And it makes sense. As some of you pointed out, an older person—say a 43 year old—has many more experiences, and hence should be wiser. This is especially true for teachers, because learning and teaching are their profession. Knowing this, Asian societies—and I would guess all native societies even European societies—have created rules for manners towards elders, especially teachers. These rules have helped to keep order in schools and in society.

I think it’s similar to rules governing behavior towards other elders, like mother in-laws. Traditionally, the mother in-law was something like a little dictator in Japan and many other cultures. The authority of the mother in-law is weakening faster than that of the teacher.

Modern American society has more or less rebelled against this sort of social order. From an American’s point of view, the reason is that people in power—teachers, bosses, even the elderly—have too often abused their power or not lived up to their roles. Perhaps the assumption was too high for them, or perhaps they simply had serious character faults. Perhaps they too often became unfair and dictatorial. Perhaps they failed to show enough respect for students and people under them. There are many possible reasons, but the result is a refusal to automatically respect based on position. Modern American society has chosen to instead emphasize equality. People should be judged by who they are, their character, not their title. People must earn respect.

By the way, these cultural differences are revealed in the way we greet people. Bowing, in essence, is a matter of lowering oneself. A handshake is meant to see "eye to eye" as equals. Again, I'm not claiming either way is inferior or superior, just different.

To be honest, I can’t say which is better, having a casual attitude towards elders, or a more formal attitude towards elders. The American way, like the traditional way, is vulnerable to abuse. For example, young Americans might now speak abusively to teachers 20 or 30 years older. They might assume they know more; they might assume they understand more about the world than their elders; they might come to esteem their own opinions so highly that they lack the humility and open minds to learn from a teacher. These are examples of possible abuses that the American way of thinking can lead too. As stated previously, the traditional way is also open to abuses.

My ideal is the same as what many of you wrote: That students and teachers can feel relaxed and confident in each other’s company rather than stiff and formal; and that students feel a certain amount of trust and respect for teachers, but not a blind trust and respect. I’ve had excellent relationships with Japanese students who call me “sensei.” At the same time I want students to know me as a human, not an image of sensei. Finally, I try to never just assume I’m right because I’m the teacher, or to misuse the power or authority I have. I hope to earn the respect of students, and I hope students listen to me with an open mind and at least try my suggestions.